Becoming a parent is possibly the biggest event in a life full of endless moments, joys and achievements. Nonetheless, the process of becoming a mother involves some challenges for many women. Between the sleepless nights, feedings and demanding attention infants demand most new moms are left in despair of losing their oldest childhood passion. When you become a mother, it can be hard to remember who you were before your baby was born -who am I and what passionate me in life once upon a time.
If this sounds like you, Here is the case for it, and I am not alone. Of course you will feel disconnected from the person who once was when tasked with this immense demand. So that is the good news with a little bit of help and direction you will be able to find your way back again, not only as part of mother’s tribe but also an Individual where reconnecting life with passion.
The Shift in Identity After Becoming a Mother
Motherhood changes and transforms you in ways that can be both beautiful and overwhelming. The minute you first hold your newborn, everything changes in a flash. This has the potential to be magical, but it is also confusing in a lot of ways — especially with respect to your own identity. One of the challenges many new mothers feel is having to “shelve” their previous loves and pursuits in order to really take on this most-important position.
When you are pregnant, and then when baby comes along in those early days of motherhood, the natural focus is on your unborn or born child. It leads to a sense of detachment from who you used to be. Where did your hobbies go, what about that ambition you have for a career or how is it leaving an active personal life behind? The messages may be accompanied by frustration, guilt and confusion
This change in identity is a natural part of the journey as mothers. But that doesn’t mean you need to abandon yourself at the gates of parenthood. These are things that can still make you feel like yourself and carry out your passions even whilst being a mother.
The Emotional Impact of Losing Yourself
This, feeling like a ’lost’ you after baby can have an emotional wear and tear on the body. Mothers are often made to feel self-conscious about wanting and needing from new mamas. This idea of needing to be the “perfect mother” is also very real and contributes towards women feeling that they are not good enough for their baby if they take time for themselves.
Add in the experience of postpartum depression and anxiety that many mothers face, and this feeling amplifies even worse. Thus, due to these mental health issues people struggle more and do not find energy or motivation to indulge them into an activity which was previously their hobby. The first and most crucial step is to admit that you are feeling all these emotions without a valid reason for it if this relates. Postpartum depression is curable and with the help of professional you will be able to come back on a normal emotionally fit state.
If these emotions are overwhelming and you’re lost on how to deal with them or you want help figuring out what it means for motherhood as well as for my own personal passions, therapy is really helpful. Talking to someone who specializes in these type of conditions can offer the needed, advice and understanding that is unique for new mom life helping you feel like yourself again.
Therapy Can Help You Reconnect with Yourself
One of the best things that you can do if after becoming a mum, feeling disjointed and disconnected from yourself is to get therapy for it. If you are struggling with any of these feelings, a therapist who specializes in wome n can help guide your through emotions and to work on identifying the causes for them so that together a plan will be developed to rediscover those passion.
Creating A Support Network: Therapy provides a safe space where you can freely discuss your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes just having a place to talk about your challenges and dreams can crack things open. A therapist can help you identify the societal expectations that are fueling your guilt or insecurity and teach strategies for managing them.
Through therapy, you can:
Rediscover the values and interests that matter to you: Having a baby can make it challenging to recall all of those things we loved doing before parenthood seemed like an around-the-clock job. I recommend speaking to someone, or booking an appointment with a therapist who can help you explore the things that bring you joy and make you feel incensed by feelings of yourself.
- Godley adds to address guilt and shame: Lots of mothers (shamefully) feel guilty for wanting a moment or two alone, away from their child again forget i said that. In therapy you can offer yourself a challenge to think differently about those feelings, and engage in acts of self-compassion as well.
- Learn how to cope: It is not easy balancing motherhood with your own personal goals.
- Deal with relationship changes: The changes in your relationships whether its just you and the good ol’ girl or between right now…your partner, family amply friends. Even with these changes, therapy is still an option to help you navigate and communicate with your loved ones.
If you want to start a new chapter and find out more about who you are, it may be time for women’s Counselling,. All in the Family Counselling Women often come to us seeking help with navigating and processing the many emotional challenges that motherhood brings, when engaging in these sessions it is all about getting connected to experience a balance of identifying as an individual but also being permanently attached through parenthood.
Steps to Rediscover Your Passion After Having a Baby
Therapy is a crucial part of healing, but there things you also can do to start the process of reconnecting with yourself and finding your passions. This might seem small but is more powerful than it looks alike.
- Create small moments of “me” time: Finding private and relaxation spaces post becoming a new mom might feel like nonsense but even the smallest me-time can do wonders. Walking, reading a book or binge-watching a series are all fine so long as you remember to take time off for yourself.
- Revisit Old Interests: Recall passions or hobbies that previously brought you joy. Reintroducing things like painting, dancing, or volunteering among others into your life at a slow pace.
- Develop New Goals: Motherhood can bring to you a variety of new interests and passions that may not have been existent before becoming a mother. Give yourself the permission to experiment with these new interests that come without guilt. Create small, practical goals that make you feel like what you are doing matters and keeps in touch with your personal development.
- Friends and Community: Motherhood can be a lonely place if you feel disconnected from your former self. Finding out that other moms are going through the same internal struggles may give you a sense of belonging, and some reassurance. No matter if you join a support group, an online community or start going to local meetups — when we are part of your own tribe this makes us less lonely in our way.
- Relinquish Perfection: The need to be perfect all the time for your baby, can sometimes get in the way of self-care. Keep in mind no parent is perfect. When you give up this unrealistic expectation, it allows for the room to care about yourself — which means focusing on what you need without feeling guilty.
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Conclusion
Motherhood changes everything, but it should not require sacrificing who you are as a person. Getting therapy and finding ways to get back into your interest can help you do the soul searching necessary in which you reconnect with yourself not just a mother. You should feel complete, alive and inspired to be alive; it is never late… you can find your way back.
If you are ready for this journey, I would suggest reaching out to a therapist who works specifically with women on these issues about becoming a mother. At All in the Family Counselling, we are here to hold your hand as you search for that part of yourself and come back into those loves which make life enjoyable.
